|
* Send your Short
Skits to feature in "SKITS" Section
Telephone
Answering Skit
Q:
"What's the difference between a Scout and a guy who fixes telephone
answering machines?"
A:
"The Scout's motto is "Be Prepared" and the other guy's motto
is "Beep Repaired!"
Pete:
"Hello, this is Pete."
Pat: "Hello Pete. What's up?"
Pete: "I'm in Winnipeg and I'm broke
and I need $100 right away."
Pat: "What's that, Pete? I can't
hear you. Must be a bad line."
Pete: "I said I want to borrow $100."
Pat: "Pete, I can't hear what you're
saying. Bad line." Operator: "Hello, this is the operator. I can
hear him clearly."
Pat: "Then you give him the
$100!"--From
Colin Wallace, Scarborough, Ont.
Top
The
Lost Penny
Scene:
One person acts as a lamppost, shining a flashlight on the ground.
Another is groping around in the pool of light. (He's # 1).
A third person enters, sees
# 1, and asks: "What are you looking
for?"
# 1: "A penny that I lost".
He joins # 1, and helps him search. A fourth and fifth enter and
repeat the above scene.
Finally one of them asks
# 1: "Where did you loose the penny?"
# 1: (Pointing away) "Over there:
Boy: "Then why are you looking here?"
#1: Because its
easy to search in light.
Top
Gathering
of Nuts
Vincent:
I am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go. I have come here this
evening at great expense to create one of my living nature paintings,
which will express the atmosphere of this camp! First I am going
to need some trees. (Two trees are selected from the participants
in the audience, and are directed where to stand. They wave their
arms gently.)
Vincent: Now I will need some birds
to twitter among the trees. (Three birds are selected and they
move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Vincent: (Stands back to view scene)
Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall participant stands
on a bench and smiles brightly.)
Vincent: (Again viewing) It's not
right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around. (Assistant Leaders
are chosen for rabbits)
Vincent: One last touch. A babbling
brook. Scouter, will you be the brook, you're always babbling?
(The brook takes his place.)
Vincent: (Turns to audience) There
it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature scene. I call
it "The Gathering of the Nuts."
Top
Letters
from Home
Props:
Two sheets of paper.
Scott: (Enters) Gee, it's always
nice to get a letter from home when you're at camp.
Robin: (Enters) Hey, look, I got
a letter from my Mom.
Scott: Me too. Listen, my Mom says
she's writing this letter slowly, because she knows I can't read
fast.
Robin: Mine says I won't know the
house when I come home. They've moved! Scott: Oh, my Dad has a
new job with 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the
cemetery.
Robin: Our neighbors started keeping
pigs. Mom got wind of it this morning.
Scott: Oh, my goodness. My little
brother came home from school crying because all the other boys
had new clothes and we can't afford any for him. Mom says she
got him a new hat and lets him stand in the window.
Robin: There was a washing machine
in the new house. But my Mom put four shirts in it, pulled the
handle and they disappeared. Guess it doesn't work right.
Scott: My Mom had her appendix out
and a dishwasher put in. And, oh, my sister had a baby this morning.
Mom doesn't know if I'm an Aunt or and Uncle, because she doesn't
know yet if it's a boy or a girl.
Robin: Oh, dear, there's a P.S. It
says, I was going to send you $ 10.00, but I had already sealed
the envelope.
Scott: Well, it's nice to know things
are normal at home.
Robin: Yep. (Both exit)
Top
Puppy
in the Box
Props:
A cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)
Announcer: This scene takes place
on the street outside a grocery store. (Several participants are
gathered around outside the store, chatting.)
Roger : (Enters holding the box)
Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I go into
the store ? (Exits)
Martin: I wonder what's in the box?
Gerry : I don't know, but something
is leaking out !
Bob : (Rubs finger against the bottom
of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.
Martin: (Also rubs box and tastes
finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.
Roger : (Returns, looks in box) Oh,
you naughty puppy !
Top
Fly
in the Soup
Customer:
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter : (Enters, very snooty, peering
into the soup) Oh, yes, you are right sir. That will be an extra
25 cents for the meat.
Customer: But waiter, he's swimming
all over the top!
Waiter : (Still snooty) You are right,
sir. It doesn't know it's a fly, sir. It's doing the Butterfly
stroke.
Customer: Well, I think it must be
an Australian!
Waiter : Why do you say that sir?
Customer: BECAUSE IT'S DOWN UNDER
NOW!
Top
Someone
Chanted Evening
Props: Blankets and rope to make
Monk's Cassock.
Friar: Good morning, everyone.
Monks: Good morning.
Friar: For our Matin, we are going
to practice chanting. All together now, repeat after me: (Chanting)
Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Monks: (Rather raggedly) Morning,
morning, mor-or-ning.
Friar: Not bad, but we need to get
more feeling and rhythm into it. Let's try again. (A couple more
attempts are made, each one better, then on the third try it sounds
excellent, but one Monk chants loud and clear, "Ev-en-ning".)
Friar: Cut, Cut ! What was that ?
Brother
Daniel: What's wrong, Friar ? I thought
it sounded good.
Friar: (Breaking into song) Someone
Chanted Evening !
Top
St.
Peter
Announcer:
Here we see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Ian : (Walks up to St. Peter) Hello,
St. Peter. I see I've come to Heaven.
St. Peter: Well, you're not in yet
! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.
Ian : Well, I spent a week eating
camp food. St.
Peter: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered
enough. (Ian exits dejectedly.)
Doug : (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get
into Heaven.
St. Peter: Fine, fine. And how have
you suffered ?
Doug : I went on a long hike and
got blisters all over my feet.
St. Peter: Sorry. That's not enough
suffering to get into Heaven. (Doug exits)
Brad : (Enters) Can I get into Heaven
?
St. Peter: How did you suffer ?
Brad : I'm in (Pick someone's name
who can take a joke)(troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
St. Peter: Well, come on in !!
Top
The
Magic Doctor's Chair
Characters required: 1 doctor and
four patients.
Props required: two chairs.
Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs. First patient
enters twitching their left arm.
DOCTOR: 'And what's wrong with you
sir?'
Patient 1: 'As you can see doctor
I have this terrible twitch'
DOCTOR: 'Just sit on my magic chair
and you'll get better'
The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor's
left arm starts twitching.
Patient 1: 'Oh thank you doctor,
you cured me'
The patient leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next
patient.
DOCTOR: 'Next '...... 'And what's
wrong with you sir?'
This patient has the hiccups. The process of sitting in the chair
is repeated. The doctor now has a twitch and the hiccups.
The third patient is called in; both his legs keep flicking in
the air. The process is again repeated so that the doctor now
has a twitching arm the hiccups and both legs flicking in the
air.
The doctor now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal,
enters and sits in the magic chair.
DOCTOR: 'And what may I ask is wrong
with you sir?'
Patient 4: 'I've got a terrible case
of the trots doctor'
The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.
Top
Is
It Time Yet?
Line
of 5-8 Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right, right
arm crossed over left.
First Scout in line asks: "IS IT
TIME YET?" -
Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.
Last Scout says: "NO"
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.
After a lonnnnnnnng pause,
First Scout asks: "IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down the line as before.
Last Scout says: "NO"
Again and the word is passed back.
Another long pause...............
First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME
YET?"
etc and,
Last Scout says: "YES"
the answer is passed back. Just after the first Scout gets the
word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over
right.
Exit groaning
Top
Long Skits
DO
YOUR BEST
CHARACTERS:
CHARLIE BROWN LINUS, CUB SCOUTS (As many as 8 and as few as 3.)
CUB 1: This is a great time of year!
CUB 2: It sure is! Snow … Santa Claus
… presents … it's all just great.
CUB 3: Well, here comes Charlie Brown
and Linus.
CUB 3: Hi Linus. Hi Charlie Brown.
CUB 4: What's the matter Charlie
Brown?
CHARLIE: I was just thinking. All
I will probably get for Christmas is rocks! That's all I got at
Halloween.
CUB 5: That's not all there is at
Christmas.
CUB 6: There's snow.
CHARLIE: That means Lucy will throw
snowballs at me!
CUB 7: How about Christmas trees?
CHARLIE: Snoopy knocked mine down!
CUB 8: There's also mistletoe and
bells and Christmas carols . . .
CHARLIE: Bells hurt my ears, only
my mother wants to kiss me and I can't sing. If that's all Christmas
is about, I guess I don't like it much. I wonder if that's all
there really is?
LINUS: No, Charlie Brown, there is
much more. Let me tell you what Christmas is all about. "… And
there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field,
keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of
the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round
about them; and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them,
'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy,
which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in
the city of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this
shall be a sign unto you. Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling
clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel
a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God and saying: 'Glory
to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"
And that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
Top
Pencil
Salesman:
A
sales manager is trying to teach a dumb salesman how to sell.
The manager tells the trainee to listen to him carefully and he
will teach him how to sell. He gives him the following instructions:
1) Hold pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice
saying that.
2) Next people will ask how much they are so say, "Twenty Pence.
Three for Fifty Pence."
3) Then they will ask what color so you tell them yellow.
4) Now they will either buy them or they won't. If they don't
buy say, "If you don't, someone else will."
The
manager has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him on
his own. What happens is that the trainee is left on his own and
starts calling out pencils for sale when another person rushing
by and the trainee doesn't notice him and they collide falling
to the ground. They have the following dialogue:
1) The customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the
trainee tells him twenty pence, three for fifty pence.
2) The customer getting mad asks the trainee who do you think
I am, to which the trainee replies, "Yellow."
3) The customer really mad says, "Do you want someone to punch
you in the nose." To which the trainee replies, "If you don't,
someone else will."
At this point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and they
leave the stage.
Top
Restaurant
Minutes:
The
scene is two guys enter a greasy spoon type of restaurant that
has a customer and a grill type cook with a stained apron. The
cook says that all they have is soup and a hot dog. The first
man says he will take the soup and the other man says he wants
the same. The cook tells them if one wants the soup the other
has to have the hot dog. The second man agrees and asks to have
mustard put on the hot dog and the waiter leaves. The third asks
if they steal, referring the cook. The first man says the cook
will steal your shirt off your back if he could. The first & second
man get their order, the cook dropping the silverware, then wiping
them off with his dirty apron. Second man tells the cook that
he wanted mustard on his hot dog. The cook squeezes mustard off
his apron onto the hot dog. First man says that there is a fly
in his soup. The cook retrieves the fly out of the soup, squeezing
it, telling the fly to spit it all back. The third man disgusted,
makes a comment and walks out without his pants. His pants have
been stolen.
Top
Soldier
On the Battlefield:
Just one person can play this skit. Just one person can play this
skit, or you can use two. A person in
battle dress falls on the ground moaning that he is about to die.
The orderly kneels over him frantically trying to record his name
for the records. He keeps on asking his name, but he is in too
much pain to bother with his name and keeps on asking for help.
In desperation the orderly tells the soldier that he is dying
and that he needs his name to tell his mother. The soldier
replies
that his mother already knows his name.
Top
Spelling
Contest:
Contestants
have numbers on their shirts and the judges have badges to distinguish them from the contestants. Need a list of spelling words, toy
guns (or hand if necessary) and a trophy. There are two judges
and four contestants. Judge #1 asks are you ready for the annual
spelling contest. The contestants say yes and Judge #2 tells them
good luck and let's begin. The first contestant steps forward
misses the word and is shot by the judge. Second contestant steps
forward, spells the word, the judges confer, answering right.
The third contestant spells the word wrong and is shot. Contestant
#4 comes forward spells his word, the judges confer, say he is
wrong and one raises the gun to shoot him. Contestant #4 tells
the judge wait, he is sure the word is spelled right. The judges
confer again, say the contestant is right and they are wrong and
shoot themselves. Contestants #2 and #4 say that they guess that
means they both win and walk off together with the trophy.
Top
Submarine
(Version 1):
Get
one volunteer from the audience and the den/patrol lines up sitting
in a straight line with the volunteer at the end. The scout in
front (Captain) looks through his periscope and yells, "Enemy
Ship!" which is repeated down the line. The Captain then issues
the following commands which are repeated down the line: "Fire
Torpedo One!...."We Missed!"...."Fire Two!"..."We Missed!"...."Fire
Three!"...."We Missed Again, You Blockhead"...."Enemy Torpedo
Coming our Way!"...."We've Sprung a Leak"....as the last command
is repeated the next to the last person throws hidden confetti
on the last person in line; the volunteer.
Top
Submarine
(Version 2):
This
version uses a similar format to format one with the same commands
being given, but the following changes occur: The scouts are standing
in a row instead of sitting. When the command comes to fire the
torpedo one comes, the last person in line says, "I don't know
how" which is repeated up line. The captain says, "Pull the red
chain, push the blue knob" and pulls on the person's nose for
pulling the chain and pushes his chest for pushing the knob. This
is repeated down line. This procedure is repeated for each torpedo
firing. When the captain exclaims "We missed again you blockhead"
the crew jumps up and down and cheers. The captain says, "No,
that is bad", to which the crew hang their head and groan. On
the last command, when the captain finds out they have failed
and have been hit, he takes out a gun (hand like a fist with thumb
up and first finger out) and shoots himself, falling down dead.
This is repeated down the line to the last person who looks at
the gun with a confused expression and says, "I don't know how
!"
Top
Ticket
Line:
Fans
are standing in line waiting to buy tickets for the big game,
movie, or concert. Four fans are standing in line, saying how
much they want to attend the event and wondering when the ticket
window is going to open to sell tickets. A person walks up to
the front of the line. The fans get upset telling him to not butt
in line and to go to the end of the line and began to shove him
back. This person tries once more to reach the front of the line
and then gives up and says something to the effect; "I'm giving
up, they can get someone else to open this ticket window.
Top
Toothpaste
Skit:
In this you need
two cups of water and four or more people. The people in the skit
all line up in a row in front of the audience. The first person
in line has water in his cup and the last person in line has an
empty cup with some water hidden in his mouth. The skit starts
off with the narrator saying something about this is a demonstration
of how a person can brush his teeth when there is a shortage of
water. The first person takes a drink of water from his cup and
proceeds to brush his teeth with his finger. After a few seconds
he stops and places his head against the ear of the next person
in line and that person's cheeks begin to bulge out as the first
persons deflate. This person (the second person brushes his teeth
with his finger for a few seconds and then puts his mouth against
the next person's ear with the same results and son on down the
line until the last person in line in reached. This person upon
finishing brushing his teeth releases the water he has in his
mouth into the cup in his hand.
Tracks:
Two boys enter as if following a trail. They begin to argue over
what kind of tracks they are: "I say they are raccoon tracks"
"No they're wolf tracks" "No they're badger tracks ...". The argument
continues until they are suddenly run over by a train. (Several
boys linked together making chuga choo sounds; boy in front has
a flashlight.
Trick or Treat: A child comes home
with a bag full of treats. The parent says that he needs to inspect
the candy. Gives excuses for not giving most of it back. After
the child leaves, the parent say that he must do what he has
to do to protect the child and proceeds to eat some of the candy.
Top
Don't
Brush That On Me!
Psychiatrist's office. Patient is on bench. Doctor is sitting
on a chair
Doctor: Let's see last week we were
talking about your past.
Patient: Yes, I think we were.
Doctor: How much sleep do you get
at night?
Patient: Oh, I can't complain. From
six to nine hours
Doctor: Well that seems pretty normal.
I am beginning to wonder what we are going to find wrong with
you. You seem just as sane as I am.
Patient: (horrified) But Doctor, it's
this creepy crawly bug. I just can't stand them! ( Leaps from
couch and brushes self wildly) They're all over me; they're all
over me.
Doctor: (steps back) Well for goodness
sake don't brush them onto me.
Top
|
